Karen M. Winkelman

The LifeCrafting Guide

Intuitive Consultant for Your Personal,
Professional and Creative Life

FaceBook LinkedIn YouTube RSS
"Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have - so spend it wisely."
~ Kay Lyons

The LifeCrafting Blog

Have a question? We would love to hear from you. Send us your questions and we will answer them either by posting them on our blog or by email.

by Karen M. Winkelman Monday, November 25, 2013

Personally, I used to have a hard time saying no... that's why the quote below struck a chord with me.

Perhaps it will with you too.

"IT"’s OK to Say No

If you’ve ever found yourself saying “yes” too often, this is your friendly reminder that it’s OK to say “no."

Before you say “yes” ask yourself if what you’re saying “yes” to is truly in your highest good and will bring more joy (and less stress) into your life. 

If not, then, give yourself the gift of saying “no.”

Because, every “no” is a “yes” to something else that is waiting to be revealed to you.

And, most likely it’ll be something that’s a perfect fit for you!"

- Christine Kloser, Spiritual Guide, Author, Transformational Book Coach


This is something many people wrestle with. Especially women… 

I know I had a hard time saying no. How about you?

Sometimes the fear of saying no is tied to a need to be liked.

What would happen if I said no? Would they hate me? Reject me? Not include me in anything?

Stop being my friend? Think I was stuck up or a bad person? Think I was selfish?

Do you tell yourself stories like this? Please stop scaring yourself!

Sometimes the “no” avoidance is really about weak or non-existing boundaries.

Sometimes the refusal to say “no” an be at everyone’s beck and call has to do with feelings of self-worth and low self-esteem.

And sometimes it is part of a drama that can play our in a number of different ways.

For instance:

  • The martyr: will give to the point of depletion and then feel resentful that no one is taking care of her or appreciating her and all she does for them… at the core, she is usually giving from a place of needing something, but not willing to ask for it


  • The good girl: is always trying to prove that she is good enough, a nice person, likeable, a good friend, someone you can count on, reliable, and has lost touch with who she really is while trying to please everyone around her


  • The helper/fixer: loves to jump in and rescue, always willing to lend a helping hand, knows what’s best for others… and is using it as a distraction for dealing with her own life most of the time


  • Miss popularity: loves to feel part of the club, crowd, community, tribe… has a need for being seen and connecting with others, for fitting in and being ‘normal’ and liked and looked up to… and she is masking insecurity with her full social calendar


  • The doormat: slips into victim mode and lets anyone and everyone walk all over her and dictate what she should be doing/not doing… and she is too afraid to reclaim her power

Any of these sound familiar?

Perhaps you see elements of your behavior in more than one example.

That’s pretty normal.

Saying “no” and meaning it can be one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. It helps you reclaim your power.

It helps you stop and connect with YOU and what YOU want.

Practice saying “Yes” to the things that bring you joy and are for your personal growth and highest good. And saying “No” to things that will take you away from yourself, your path, your joy…

I’m not suggesting you say no to everything. 


I am suggesting that you check in with yourself and ask

“Is this something I want to do?”

If you get a “yes” answer… great.

Then ask yourself

“Is this something I have time to do (without adding to my stress load or having to give up something that is important to me)?”

If the answer is yes, great.

The third question I’d like you to ask yourself is

“Does the idea of doing this make me feel good, lighter, and happier in some way (or does it feel heavy, like an obligation or should)?”

If you still feel good about, then it sounds like your answer is yes.

However, if you’ve answered yes to the first question but not to the other two, then look at why you think you want to do it. The answer might surprise you. And ultimately you might decide to say no.

If you said no to the first question (Is this something you want to do) your answer might be “No”, unless there is something you have a responsibility to do. In which case, doing it may be the appropriate decision. Only you know the truth of this.

A couple of examples of responsibility as a factor:

Going to your job, completing an assignment your boss has given you to do (that isn’t above and beyond the scope of your work/ability),  cleaning out the cat’s litter box, changing your baby’s diaper, etc.

And when you do decide to say “no” – stick to it, don’t cave if the other person seems upset or tries to coerce you into changing your mind.

Be strong.

Choose you.

Each time you do, your self-esteem will grow.

Only say “Yes” when you really mean it.

If you’re not sure, then say “no”…

...you can always change your mind later if you decide you really do want to do it!

Honor yourself and your boundaries!

Blessings to you!


Posted by Karen M. Winkelman on Monday, November 25, 2013 12:00 AM
Categories: Love, Responsibility, Self-Acceptance, Self-Care, Clarity, Empowerment
Tags: (No Tags)
On Friday, November 29, 2013 at 2:22 PM
Sue Elliott said...
"I love this article, Karen! It's beautiful. So clear, so real, and so empowering."
On Wednesday, December 11, 2013 at 11:20 PM
Karen Winkelman said...
"Thank you Sue! I am so glad you liked this article and found it empowering. Love & blessings to you!"
On Saturday, July 19, 2014 at 8:28 AM
Schwing said...
"Im not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep itt up! I'll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later on. Cheers"

Leave a comment for the post:
"NO" ...it's not a Four-Letter Word. "No" can be Empowering!
Name (required)
Email (required, but will not be published)
Website (optional)
Message (required)
Contact Us |  Terms & Conditions |  Privacy Policy |  Cancellation & Refund Policy

© Copyright 2008-2023 The Luminous Life Group, Inc.   All Rights Reserved.
Designed and Powered by CyberLogix Innovations.