Each day that you put your life on hold and your dreams on a back-burner, you add another layer of “protective” numbness over your emotions and body, and disconnect a bit more from your Spirit (your Soul, your higher self).
Maybe it wasn’t a conscious decision to press the hold button.
Maybe you succumbed to all the shoulds that you and others heaped on you.
Maybe you thought your dreams were frivolous, selfish, impractical, or unattainable.
Perhaps other people’s expectations, a misguided sense of duty, or taking responsibility for everything was the culprit.
Maybe you were afraid of failing, or being different, vulnerably visible, and judged. The part of you that is hell-bent on keeping you safe at all costs discouraged you from taking the risk.
Maybe the dreams you had as a child got placed in an internal storage box, like you would box up outgrown childhood toys.
Perhaps life swept you away in a whirlwind of school, relationships, work, and adulting, and you lost touch with your dreams and desires.
I invite you to pause for a moment and reconnect to your dreams and desires.
Why?
Because those dreams and desires are important.
Because you are important.
You had those dreams and desires for a reason.
Even if you never do it professionally, acknowledging your creative essence and expression enriches your life.
"As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning."
~ Barbara Sher
What Does A Life on Hold Look Like?
Although the specifics depend on your personality and situation, some common elements show up.
- A feeling that something is off or missing but you aren’t sure what it is.
- Going through the motions, feeling unfulfilled, bored, disappointed, resigned, depressed, or dissatisfied.
- Stuffing, ignoring, denial, numbing, bypassing, and projecting are classic ways we deal with uncomfortable and unwanted feelings.
- You may have gotten quite good at stuffing your feelings by using food, alcohol, or other distractions and escapist activities to help you cope.
- You can add justifying and rationalizing here as well.
- You may also feel sadness or a sense of ennui. And maybe a little lost.
- And you probably built up frustration, anger, and resentments (which you may have turned inward against yourself). I know I did.
I also experienced a frightening concern,
“Is that all there is?”
coupled with an undefined anger and an unnamed frustration that lingered unsettled just beneath the surface.
Irritating me...
and inappropriately erupting on occasion.
The only person I was truly mad at or upset with was myself.
After all, I was the one who made the choices that led me to where I was.
Did I make the choices consciously?
Sometimes.
Did I make choices based on wounded parts of myself?
Absolutely!
Because I had a need (aka wound or hurt) to be liked and accepted, I often did things for others in the unexpressed hope that they would like me and accept me.
Most times they might like what I did for them or who I was being for them, but not see and appreciate me for who I really was.
I call this behavior paying with pieces of yourself to get what you think you need, lack, or want.
It’s also called people-pleasing.
It has a debilitating sibling called rescuing others. (Which is futile, btw.)
Whatever you call it, this behavior erodes your self-esteem, lowers your perceived value to yourself, and diminishes your Spirit.
You begin to lose touch with your authentic self.
Carried to an extreme, it can seriously affect your well-being.
"Nice is an affliction. It puts us in a space of being docile, into conformity - where we don't express our feelings and where we are not authentic. "
~ Panache Desai
Your creative essence and spirit wither when you spend your life putting other people first, ignoring your boundaries, neglecting yourself, and ignoring your dreams.
You may even feel disconnected from Source or your Spirit.
Almost as if you are living a shadow existence…
You may have moments of joy, fun, and happiness, but mostly it is just DDSS (different day, same stuff).
And it sucks.
One day you may realize that you don’t know who you are anymore.
After years of being (pretending to be) what other people wanted you to be and doing what other people thought you should do… or what you thought you should do… instead of what you wanted to do.
In fact, you may have forgotten what you really wanted to do, or what you want to do now.
"You can't base your life on other people's expectations."
~ Winston Churchill
If you’re anything like I was, your true self and your dreams are still locked deep inside of you, trying to claw their way back to the surface.
Mine were relentless.
Are yours?
I have reconnected with some of my dreams… especially my art and creating things.
I am still making inroads on my relationship with my fiction writing. I am excited to explore my creative side again.
I’m delighted to share that some of my paintings were chosen for exhibits at the Herberger Galleries.
And, I am working on a numerology book as well as a paranormal fiction book.
One of the transformations that made this possible for me is doing the inner work around those needy parts.
People-pleasing is off the table these days.
I’ve been learning how to please myself and to put myself first.
I have learned to acknowledge myself and my accomplishments, and to honor and trust myself.
The biggest shift is no longer seeking approval from others.
If you like me, great. If you don’t, I’m fine with that as well.
Other people’s opinions can’t change who I am or what I can bring to the table. It can only affect me if I let it.
You wanna know why?
Because I actually like myself and appreciate myself now. Yeah, it took a few years of self-work, and it was totally worth it.
Ok, a little confession here…
Sometimes I still seek validation in the form of “fishing” for compliments. (Did you like the pasta? Did you enjoy the breakfast treat?)
What’s different now is that I am aware of it when I ask questions like that, and I pause and ask myself, what am I seeking here? What is this really about?
Am I seeking acknowledgment for something I did, or simply asking them how they liked something?
If it falls into the acknowledgment category (I’m looking for someone to tell me I did a good job), I now acknowledge it for myself (You created a fabulous pasta dish!).
And I laugh a little about slipping into an old behavior pattern and catching myself before I fall into that trap again.
And sometimes I still succumb to emotional eating.
Although I’ve always had a healthy appetite and really enjoy food (cooking, baking, and eating), there are moments when I feel the urge to grab a cookie or a dish of ice cream, or a chunk of chocolate, not because I just want to enjoy them but because I have a heavy emotion moving through that I didn’t feel ready to deal with.
What’s different now is I can do this without heaping self-judgment on top of the tasty treat.
I acknowledge what I am doing and ask myself what is really going on. What is this really about?
"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
- George Eliot
I encourage you to reconnect with yourself, your dreams, your desires, and to be willing to work through whatever is limiting you or preventing you from re-engaging with them.
I’m here if you’d like some help with that.
Be you. Do You. Choose You.
With love and appreciation, and cheering you on,
